She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
