she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
