I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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