I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
PANTIES FOUND
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