that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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