Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
