He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Will exercising make me less horny?
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