she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
