As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
