take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
