Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
