We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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