I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Randomize
