People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
