i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
