Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Randomize
