I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
