I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
