I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
