I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
