i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
