Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
