I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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