Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
