I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
