Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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