Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
