whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
he thought i was a dude.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
