Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
