pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
