Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
