We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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