Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
