Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
