My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
