can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Someone signed my nipple.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
