Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
