Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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