I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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