My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
