Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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