1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
