do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
