She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
