I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
