why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
