you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
