Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
He passed out mid-signature
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
