Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
is wine microwaveable?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
