my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Randomize
