Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
