can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
