I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
