Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
only you would photoshop your dick
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
